we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
