You can't special order awesome
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
