I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
