Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
