well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
