I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
