sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
