The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
