just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just want to make out with him forever
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
