I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
