he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
