so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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