Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
