WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
