If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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