I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize