he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize