who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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