yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
