i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
