New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
