WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
