This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
