her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
