Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
