At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
