I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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