I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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