she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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