I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
