Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Help. Why am I so naked?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
