I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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