I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
we're so committed to being not committed
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