all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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