I wannas sexs uuuuu
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize