there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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