would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize