the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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