I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
