That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You can't special order awesome
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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