she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
