i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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