The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
