...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
