Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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