The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
