I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
