I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
