Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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