There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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