How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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