I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
