I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
