You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
