So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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