i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
