I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
