I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
