dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
