He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
