My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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