When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
